Friday, December 13, 2013

Ho, Ho the Mistletoe/Grieving at Christmas

This is random, maybe, but I feel I have to share. I've alluded to the fact that I'm trying to dial it back. I'm not sure I was clear as to why.



Christmas is a terrible time to be grieving.
I find myself crying more than usual at the typical "Hallmark" type commercials and stories.
I woke the other morning and the radio station was giving out gifts for a needy family. I immediately burst into tears. I had trouble keeping it together the rest of the day.
I have lost loved ones before but never at Christmas.

I made the candle holder for Jim's memorial service.
 There is so much to do.
I don't have the luxury of sitting on the couch, wrapped in a throw watching movies and eating popcorn.
Seriously, that is all I want to do!
I forced myself to get out and shop the other day.
It is no fun being the only one that isn't jovial at Tuesday Morning.
I am sure the other shoppers thought I was a "Grinch" but that isn't the case.



I want to muster up HoHoHo and Holly Jolly but I just can't.
I am only going through the motions.
I was telling one of my dear moms this morning,
that I am giving myself permission to eat off of paper plates for our family gatherings.
 I am not baking a jillion types of cookies.



We'll probably be giving out more gift cards instead of wrapped presents.
I may actually have to use purchased gift bags instead of making my own. (Oh horrors!) 
The list goes on and on.
Do you see?
I am an idiot.
Why do we as women put so much pressure on ourselves?
I know I am not the only one that tries to live in a pressure cooker of my own making.



This is a Christmas of permission.
Permission to be less than perfect.
Permission to just be sad if I want to and need to.
Permission to have an easier Christmas.



To do any more, this year, would defeat the less is more philosophy that is the first Christmas.
The no room, born in a barn, put in a feed trough simplicity of the Christ child.
Emmanuel- God with us.



That is why He came.
He came to ease our grief, heal the broken hearts and seek out the lost.
Katie

10 comments :

  1. Kate..I have missed you and wondered how you were doing. My neighbor just lost his brother also, and it is a terrible time of year to have to go through that - any time really. But when it seems we should all be happy, we need to remember that there are grievers and one Christmas it might be ourselves. My heart goes out to you. I read some articles on grieving b/c of my friend/neighbor - they say - you can be sad, you can be angry...don't feel guilt and let yourself go through the emotions that come. It sounds like you are managing but I know every day is tough. God bless, my friend! Try to enjoy the Holidays.

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    1. Thank you, Holly. What a sweet comment. It was a tough week but I feel better today. Writing my blog and keeping it real helps.

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  2. Katie- I can only imagine what you must be feeling. I lost my Grand-dad right before Thanksgiving 20 years ago-- wow! I hadn't realized how long it had been. I was young then, my children were still babies...I went through the motions for them and I got past it. I still think about my Grand-dad...he loved Christmas. I know you thought a lot of your brother and he was a happy person, you mentioned in previous posts about him. I hope for you, that you can think about the good memories, but like Holly said, let yourself go through the emotions too. I pray that the God of all Comfort will give you peace this holiday season, carrying your through it. Blessings, to you. -Pat

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    1. Thank you, Pat. I appreciate the prayers and the sweet, sweet words of comfort.

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  3. Katie, I'm sorry that you are going through a rough time. The holidays just magnify our grief. I hope that you can find some peace, joy and comfort in having your family around you.

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  4. I can't imagine going through the motion of a normal Christmas when you've just lost a loved one. You are so right when you commented on the pressure we put on ourselves to create the perfect Christmas with all the trimmings! I hope you make it through the season with the support of family and friends who understand what you're going through.

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    1. Thank you so much, Vickie. I'm trying to take it one little bit at a time until it is all done.

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  5. Yes, He was broken so that He may heal the broken. Prayers for you today. What a beautiful post! Love all the white. Milk glass is my favorite. L

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    1. Thank you so much for stopping in and leaving a comment. Thanks for your prayers.

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